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If you listen to the interaction between adults and kids, you’ll often hear the phrase “good girl” or “good boy” each time a child does something right. This seems to be especially true of a young child who is just learning to crawl or walk. Each move in the right direction is met with shouts of praise and exclamations of goodness.
But I don’t want my daughter to think her worth is tied up in her ability to crawl or walk. Or draw a picture. Or even to follow our house rules.
I desperately want our daughter to find her worth in Christ alone.
So Dan and I have removed “good girl” from our vocabulary. And it’s been hard because we were so used to it. But by replacing it with specific praise, “You drew a wonderful cow! What’s she doing?” we take one small step toward her finding her worth outside of what she does.
Besides, perhaps raising a good girl isn’t the point.
We also don't say "good boy" to our toddler although for us it's so that his actions aren't tied to whether we think he is good or not, but more on the actions itself. He is always going to be "good" to us, but when he misbehaves, the *action* is bad, not the him.
I love this perspective, Steph! We think similarly, but we have not eliminated the "good girl" "good boy" statements from our vocab. I'll think about that. It is so ingrained, that I just say it without thinking. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. (And I also appreciated that article you linked to when it was written. Such a helpful perspective.)
Yes, this is another good reason to avoid the phrase. I want our daughter to be able to distinguish between bad and good actions and who she is as a person.
It was very ingrained for us too. It took a lot of practice for us to stop saying it! And yes, that article is an excellent.