Jul 162012

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse and realized you were attacking each other when the reality is, you both wanted the same thing? Try taking the target off each other and putting it on the wall.

When we stop pointing our arrows at each other’s chests, put the target on the wall, and start shooting our arrows toward the problem instead of the person, progress happens. Dan and I have seen this simple change in perspective work wonders when we’re having a disagreement.

Perhaps you’re shooting arrows at each other due to division of labor or childcare responsibilities. Instead of making accusations about the other person’s character, put the target on the wall and say, “How can we work together to bring about a solution to the problem in a way that is helpful and beneficial to us both?” It’s so much easier to find a productive solution when you’re both working against a problem and not against each other.

Do you ever find yourself putting the target on a person rather than a problem?

 Photo Credit

 Posted by at 12:01 am

  7 Responses to “Put the Target on the Wall”

  1. I love your analogy! I think I’ll keep this in mind the next time I feel like I’m keeping score with my husband. Because you’re right; more often than not, we have the same goals in the end, like we want our toddler to be happy, or we want to save money, etc. This is a good reminder that we need to be on the same team and shoot those targets. Love this.

  2. All the time. Love the target illustration. A fantastic concept!

  3. Totally! Love that illustration!

  4. Great post and so useful. I just sent it on to my husband. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Glad you all like the illustration. It also works really well when trying to help others disagree productively.

  6. [...] Living Undone offers a great tip on how to work with your partner during difficulties than against them. [...]

  7. I love this analogy. Am forwarding this post to my husband!

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